Happy Mother's Day! Unless you're an Unwed Mother, in Which Case; Clean it the Eff Up

At daycare last week, my loving daughter made me a Mother's Day present.  It turned out to be a narrow miss; I almost didn't receive it.  I was away this past weekend and I couldn't attend the Extra Special Mother's Day Tea at daycare.  In a fit of rage, Ann insisted that all my gifts be given to Daddy, and that Mother's Day be forthwith known as 'Daddy's Day'.  In fact, it was inclusive of the day before and the day after as well; making it 'Daddy's Days'.  And on those days, lots of stories were to be read by Daddy, and she was going to REALLY ENJOY THEM.  She said it like that too; all shouty capitals.

Luckily, she's generous of spirit:

 Now, before you get too distracted by the perfect and artistic alignment of those buttons, let's zoom in:

"To Mommy; I am thinking of you having a new ring because you like new rings. From Ann."

Obviously, she's being passive aggressive here.  It might not even be passive; this might constitute aggressive-aggressive.  She is clearly frustrated with being the only illegitimate child at daycare.  I'm sure she is routinely excluded from any reindeer games.  With our next bastard, we will scout daycares that are less hetero-normative.

I know what you're thinking, and I also cannot figure out whom she learned this behaviour from.  Probably the dog. She's super subversive.

 *To clarify; our daycare- while a little hetero-normative- is amazing.  Our next bastard will be lucky to attend.

** Adrian does not approve of me referring to offspring- both current and future- as bastards.  Just to be sure I was using it properly, I googled it:

bastard; n.

1. child without married parents 2. One who is narcissistic and unknowingly frustrating 3. The killer of kenny 4. A 70's band which changed thier (sic) name to Motörhead and became one of the best bands ever. Your parents aren't married, hence you are a bastard.   You killed kenny, you bastard. Now, even though this is the Urban Dictionary definition, known for their irreverence of the English language and their frequent misspelling of words like 'their' (see above); the number 1 definition does (in a catholic sense) apply. Potentially, also, number 2 (she does talk about herself a lot, and she did give away my special commercial holiday to her father). Adrian's point- that technically we are married- is also true, but it doesn't allow me to swear on the internet. So... that's lame. I will continue in my usage.