I May Have to Rename the Blog.

...Because I'm somewhat employed now.  I've been hired by a local district.  I've been working for them for about six weeks.  I was subbing at first- and aside from the usual hooligan antics, it was pretty awesome.  Flexible days, low responsibility (outside of school hours), and most importantly- money.  And then Adrian 'encouraged' me to start applying for postings.  The last three weeks I've had a short contract teaching alternative education for grade nine students.  This contract has been sufficiently challenging, and tremendously entertaining (entertaining from an objective perspective.  From my perspective, it's just been exhausting).  My father advises me that I can tell you all about the experience in this public forum when I retire from teaching.  So stay tuned for that.

Anyways, this whole 'work' thing will be short-lived as the summer approaches.  It will be back to austerity measures and beaucoup de toddler time come July.  Just enough working hours for me to get used to whining about other people's children again, as opposed to my own.  There really isn't a need for me to change the name of the blog just yet.  Though I think that when I do, that's what I'll name it- 'Other People's Children'.  Because 'Other People's Children are Obnoxious' was taken.  And probably rude.

Anyways, in this short period of time we have gotten into quite a lovely routine.  I say 'lovely' because alternative education doesn't start until 9:30am, which is positively civilized.  One of the few parts of alternative education that is civilized.  Because you're dying to know, this is what our day looks like:

7am: Adrian and I get up.  Ann keeps sleeping, because early morning wake-ups are for crazy people.  We save that sh!t for the weekend.  Weekdays are for sleep-ins.  Maggie gets up on the bed for Annie-snuggles as soon as Adrian is out of the room, and waits patiently for her to get up and play.  Sometimes she helps her along by pushing her.

Yes, if you look carefully you can see that Maggie's paw is on Ann's forehead.

'Honestly Ann.  You're such a sloth.'

'She takes after you, you know.'

8am: Dog park.  Annie stays in the car, eating her toast and listening to Dora while Maggie poops, jumps on me, and irritates the neighbourhood dogs.

These are her 'naughty' ears.  When she's really up to something, both of them stand at attention like that.

"Cheese?  Did someone mention 'cheese'?"

4:30pm- Afternoon dog park.  This really had been the most amazing discovery.  Before dinner every day, a collection of up to 13 dogs and their owners gather at a local high school to play.  This has pretty much saved my sanity as Maggie has soooo much energy and a terribly unreliable recall.  We can safely run our little hearts out in a fenced field with numerous other pups (fig.1).  Annie also loves it, and puts on a good show for the rest of the owners.  She's quite tired at that point of the day from all the fun of daycare, and the effect can be similar to when I have approximately 2.5 glasses of wine.  She's social, chatty and enchanting to be around.  And about an hour from turning into a total crazy person.  This week she has been quite delighted to discover that some dogs have penises, and takes great joy searching them out at the park.  And discussing it with the owners- "Dat's his penis.  I touch it?".  I think the fascination has come from a little male friend at daycare.  They've been learning about 'privacy', because Ann likes to watch what happens when he goes to the bathroom (what's wrong with his 'gina?), and applauds enthusiastically when he finishes. Still being in diapers, constant potty use is an impressive feat deserving of much praise and encouragement.  Adrian finds it less endearing than I do when she does it.  I love any kind of applause.

Fig.1- look at the fawn-coloured dog in the foreground.  She's all 'Look at me, I'm soooo pretty'.  That's Maggie behind her, in her 'come hither' position

530pm- the nice thing about the dog park is that Ann runs around outside, and it leaves no time for television when we get home, exhausted.  While this is really just a by-product of a long park play, I still like to congratulate myself on what an excellent parent I am, limiting television the way I do.

Bedtime- I have been sleeping so much better since I've been back at work.  This might be for a couple of reasons:

1. Other People's Children are exhausting.
2. Having a dog around has really helped my self-diagnosed nocturnal anxiety disorder (NADs).  Not only is it comforting to have a dog around, but when she was little I would have to take her out into the dark and scary backyard at several points throughout the night.  The number of times I wasn't raped and murdered has been reassuring.

Anyways, the contract ends in two days and I'll be back to vacation mode.  And then I can post photos of all three of us girls snuggling past 8am on a weekday.  Cause that's the way we roll.

PS Happy Birthday to my Father Bear!

40 Days of Extreme Nice.

So, I started this blog- about what a bad blogger I am- numerous weeks ago:

Man.  I'm really a useless blogger lately.  I have a number of excuses for this:

1. I'm sooooooo lazy.
2. I have a puppy.  When we were talking about it recently, Adrian was unconvinced that this is the reason for my blog drop-off (blop-off?).  Probably because he gets home at 5pm and Maggie sleeps from like- 8pm til morning.  That means she's asleep for 80% of the time Adrian is home.  And so he doesn't see her boxing Ann, or stalking and trying to eat her ponytail, or chewing her toys and clothes, and diapers.  Or sneaking in and drinking out of her potty before I have a chance to empty it (to be clear, I empty it after we wipe, wash our hands and redress.  It's not like I leave the pee-filled potty out in the open for hours.  Most of the time).
3.  I'm out of the house four nights a week.  Two nights of french class, one night of puppy-training, and one night of volunteering.  I mean working (I don't get paid much).

But really:

1. Game of Thrones.  Five books.  Every one of them longer than the last, and incredibly addictive. 

Anyways, the purpose of that post had been to discuss Adrian's upcoming birthday.  He turned forty on April 20th!  He really is the most IMPOSSIBLE person to buy for, or to plan for.  This is because he hates lots of attention and focus, and so a big 40th birthday party- with lots of singing, back-slapping and conversations about his general awesomeness- is a nightmare for him.  We couldn't be more different.  I would happily absorb all those back slaps for him.  And I love to talk about how awesome I am.  It's like, my favourite pastime.  So, anyways, we had a quiet dinner out.  No applause.

I agonized over a gift.  Given that I was still soooooo unemployed, for Adrian, really, the perfect gift would be if I had been quietly saving money for months, and then sneakily put it all against debt on his birthday.  He agreed that that would have been genius.  But I'm terrible at saving money.  I finally decided on something I called '40 days of Extreme Nice'.  For 40 days- 20 before his birthday and 20 after- he could ask for one really nice thing for me to do every day, and I'd have to do it.  Before you get all mind-guttery about it, keep in mind that post-children, there are many onerous tasks throughout a parent's daily routine that warrant intense bartering.  Who gets up first in the morning?  Whose turn is it to read stories?  I'll trade you backyard poop pick-up if you iron my shirts?  It's a constant negotiation that Adrian had an automatic 'out' of, once a day, for 40 days. 

And then a funny thing happened.  Once you give a gift, you have to follow through, even when you are tired and grumpy.  Though not always selfless acts of love ('I'll effing iron your shirts, but I'm not going to effing like it'), Acts of Extreme Nice are extremely nice, even when given somewhat begrudgingly, apparently.  They had a domino effect.  They were followed by gratitude, which was then followed by more acts of selfless generosity.  I found myself enjoying doing his chores, because it made him so happy.  Enjoying chores- that's cray-cray (as my students say.  I don't know what it means.  I presume it has something to do with crayfish). I found myself exceeding my quota of kindnesses, and Adrian would too- and he didn't even have a quota.

Anyways, my point is that I'm the best present-giver ever.  My presents are so good that they result in me not having to cook dinner.  I'm a genius.  I should write a book.