Read this once and then never again. It's too dangerous.

So, apparently Victoria is one of the Seven Portals of Hell.  My friend told me this.  She didn't mean to, she knows that I fall into the 1% of this category:

Except that I call someone first, and tell them to be quiet while I crawl. That way, if something happens, someone knows.

But I came out of the bathroom at the wrong time and overheard. Obviously, the first question you might ask is 'How does one become a portal to hell?'.  Indeed.  Is there a selection committee?  Like the IOC?  Is there lobbying?  And backroom deals and bribery like FIFA?  Were Wills and Beckham horribly disappointed that England didn't win (I actually don't know that.  I don't know the other 6 portals.  I did no research)?.  And why only seven portals?  Do they keep the number low so as to appear exclusive?  I was pretty sure that just about everything would get you into Hell these days.

Anyways, so clearly Victoria was, like, the worst place for someone of my low-calibre bravery to move to.  I am going to stop writing about it now because I feel it could be like Lord Voldemort.  If you say it out loud you might attract too much attention.  Stop thinking about it now.  Stop it.

In other news I am re-watching the Harry Potters.  Because my book-to-do-list is too long to reread them.