Weepiness: Worst Ice-Breaker Ever.

Today Ann and I woke up and set off to make ourselves some friends at kindergym.  I put us in our best 'You-probably-should-be-friends-with-me' outfits: casual, but with enough flair to say 'we're interesting, come talk to us!' and enough effort to say 'we totally just threw on whatever was clean, but since all our clothes are fashionable, we look well put-together'.  Since it was early, I didn't bother doing my hair.  It's important not to overthink these things.

We arrived at kindergym and were instantly hit with the ripe smell of patchouli.
Let.  Down.  My superficial, materialistic lifestyle often doesn't jive with the that of the holistic artsy types.  My quick scan of the crowd revealed nobody who appeared to be like-minded.  Meaning A. sarcastic with nerdy flair, or B. athletic.  I suppose this would give me an opportunity to sit back and catch up on my judging-from-afar.  As I critiqued the Birkenstock wearers, I watched my little girl go about smiling sweetly at all the potential new friends (I had hidden Alligator in the stroller, so the territorial rage was contained, for now).  She parked herself at the bottom of her favourite thing- the slide.  She can be very polite and graciously let many kids go ahead of her ("Oh sorry- you go ahead.  No, no, I wasn't sure if I wanted to anyways.  Love your shoes by the way!  All right, my turn now...oh, no please, you first- I'm in no rush!").  As I watched my child try to get someone to interact with her I began to feel desperately awful to have moved her from her amazing daycare and her amazing friends and her entire network of adults who loved her (she does have a network of adults that love her here too, but still).  And then I started to feel bad for myself.  It took me 7 years to make the incredible friendships that I had in Vancouver, and it was hard work!  And I was considerably peppier and more well-rested back then!  The thought of being perky, bubbly and cheerful to every potential friend for conceivably the next year was an exhausting thought.  There are so many intricate formalities and social courtesies that need to be observed.  It's like a mating dance (though, I love mating dances.  Birds, they're just like us!).

Just then Ann pointed to another kid's water bottle and said "Alexa's!  Alexa's water bottle!", referring to her friend from daycare, whom I'm sure she misses.  Sure Ann, salt in the wound right now.  I watched her sidle on up to that grubby little girl and loiter, hoping to strike up a conversation.  The little monster pushed her.  Hard.  Ann looked so bewildered and disappointed it pushed me right past my emotional threshold.  I felt so lonely for both of us, and so sad for her.  She had had no say in this move and was trying so hard to adjust to this new environment we had forced upon her.  My eyes started to well (galldangit!).  All of a sudden I was like an awkward teenage boy called to the front of the class at an inopportune time, trying to quell his excitement (Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!  Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!).  I tried to think of something else, something cheerful and positive, but as we all know, trying just makes it worse.  And then... Ya.  You're doing it.  You're crying in a gym full of people.  Not the ugly, blubbery crying, but I was certainly that awkward sniffly person by herself in the corner, trying to discreetly wipe her nose.  And sure enough, just at that moment, a super cool-looking mom and her equally cool-looking mom-friend came in with their well-groomed and cheerful kids.  Cool Mom was scanning the crowd and busted me trying to subtly wipe my eyes.  She did a double-take and definitely slotted me away for all eternity as that weird woman crying at kindergym.  Of course Ann immediately ran over and starting playing with their kids, lending me the perfect ice-breaking moment to make friends, were I not already known as Weird Mom, crying in the corner.

Anyways, we recovered by eating cookies and playing who-can-spot-the-most-cats on the walk home, and now I'm off to youtube bird mating dances to cheer myself up.

This is me, trying to be witty for new friends.